Tuesday , 21 November 2017

Why I Run

On my 34th birthday I called my Mum early in the morning, just after my husband had left for work, to come and get me because I knew if I was left alone too long, was going to ha1437170911105rm myself.

I was finally at rock bottom but I was sound enough to know that I had to reach out and ask for help.

I had all my friends coming for dinner that night; for truffles and wine and cheese. It was to be a (and was) a joyous occasion, but all I could think about was how hard it all was and how I wished it would end.

That felt normal to me at that point.

Depression is an irrational beast and I didn’t realise it until my 34th birthday, but it has been an ever present part of my entire life.

The irony of that day still makes me laugh as I sat in the doctors chair, with him rapidly typing and avoiding my gaze at all costs (my eyes were streaming and I am was sobbing uncontrollably) and then deciding it was a good idea to talk to me about how his wife was on anti-depressants because their son had killed himself and how they had really helped her.

Even in the state I was in I was able to be the omnipotent observer in the room and know that this just wasn’t the ideal way to handle the situation.


I took the drugs, but not for long. It did my head in that my otherwise ‘clean’ life had ended up at this – popping pills to keep me from doing myself in.

So I stopped taking the pills and decided to take responsibility instead.

What I embarked on, after that day was an intensive, radical combination of reading every book that appeared in my world; lots of writing and questioning and time spent allowing my grief to bubble to the surface.

I gathered a team of incredible healers around me and tried just about everything.

My motto was; throw everything at it.

During the past 3 years I have embraced colonic irrigation, emotional freedom technique, bach flower remedies, aromatherapy, kinesiology, intuitive healing, life coaching, tarot, bio resonance therapy, liver and parasite cleansing, meditation, running, yoga and forensic healing.

I have read aover 100 books on everything from fermenting to the biology of belief and white witch work.

I became my own therapist and healer and drew on the incredible free and available resources around me.

I shifted my mindset and started to see my life as a healing journey rather than a quest to conquer.

I approached my personal growth with a spirit of light-hearted wonderment and curiosity.

I started to reprogram my inner critic and negative beliefs.

I did everything everyone in the books I read said and I started to gather my own toolbox of what worked well for me.

I fell off the wagon and I got back on again.

I dragged my arse out of bed even when I didn’t want to. I listened to just one more chapter even when I was tired.

I did what I needed to do to get where I wanted to go.

I shared my story, vulnerably and honestly with people I had been scared to share with.

I got compassionate with myself.

I embraced the concept of self-love.

I began to heal, really, really heal.

I cried…. A LOT. I laughed; mostly at myself in a loving way and I did it all, mostly, from my own home. I unearthed things I thought I was done with and found some new stories that were painful and I saw them for what they were and let them go with love.

No retreats. No disappearing acts. No leaving and turning my back on the life I had.

I leaned in to what I had and I owned it – every beautiful moment and every dark corner.

I swept.

I imagined myself as an onion at first, peeling back the layers, until now, I see myself as that beautiful flower, peeling back her petals to bloom.

Today is my 37th Birthday and I can honestly say, for the first time in my life, I felt the love that has always been there and I have been too scared to feel it.

I embraced every sentence spoken to me. I accepted, lovingly and gratefully the gifts I was given and the meal shared with incredible friends and family.

I ran a personal best 14km in preparation for the city to surf.

I used all my tools to keep me whole.

I laughed with my friends and I reflected.

I looked back at the woman I was 3 years earlier and I hugged her, I shed a tear for her, I loved her like she couldn’t love herself then and I let her go.

If you don’t like the story you are in – write a new one.

Do what you must do.

Ask for the help you need and breathe.

It is worth it – it is sooooo worth it.

#personalgrowth #healthandwellbeing #virtues #acceptance #generosity #openness #truthfulness #understanding






About Rebel Black

Rebel Black
In 2011 Rebel Black was named as one of the Top 10 Young And Influential People in Australia. She has a background in entrepreneurship, community development, consulting, journalism and rural/regional development. Rebel has successfully operated and launched 3 award winning businesses from the opal fields of Lightning Ridge, outback NSW and THE RW is her fourth and most exciting entrepreneurial development.


  1. Courageous story, beautiful read. Thanks

  2. Courageous story, beautiful read. Thanks

  3. Rosemary Brenton

    You are very inspirational rebel , reading your story must give many women the confidence to face there fears , you are very brave to share your story what an inspirational person u are
    Thankyou Rebel

  4. Rosemary Brenton

    You are very inspirational rebel , reading your story must give many women the confidence to face there fears , you are very brave to share your story what an inspirational person u are
    Thankyou Rebel

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