Self-confidence is defined as a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment. I know I’m stating the obvious but hang in there.
As with everything we learnt in this society, we haven’t got the full information. We learnt to perform well in school, in relationships, in our statues, finances and so on. In order to that we have to be confident. And in order to keep confident, we ought to keep performing and achieving. Most of our confidence belief is built on external approval; approval for our achievements and performance that stem from parents, teachers, lovers, employers and friends.
Now, nothing would be wrong with this picture have we first learnt what the core of self-confidence truly is.
And here I am again, repeating what every Facebook post bangs about daily. It’s called self-love.
So the full picture of self-confidence is like the famous iceberg analysis. Confidence is the tip of the iceberg; self-love is the bottom of it – confidence is affected by external factors such as wind and the weather, but the bottom of it gets rarely shaken as it is solid, strong and holds it all together.
And again, nothing would be wrong with this picture indeed, have someone taught us how to build the iceberg bottom-up. Meaning, loving ourselves.
So, the fastest and the only true and long lasting approach to gaining confidence is working on accepting oneself, becoming your best friend. Approving our doings ourselves, instead of needing it externally from others. It will probably feel like approval detox but it’s the only way to give yourself the love you need, from which self-respect and self-confidence just grow effortlessly.
One of the best examples of lack of self-love I’ve heard of was Whitney Houston. At her funeral, her best friend, Kevin Costner speaks about her feeling ugly and not talented at all. Millions of fans about her voice and beauty meant nothing to her, since she probably went to bed every night feeling unworthy. She might have put a mask on her face and appeared self-confident but we live in times where these masks are not convincing anymore.
Look around you. We are on the path of awakening. We are achieving more often than not from a place of love. Women in particular.
To believe that you can do things, you could start with few simple steps.
Write down all the things you’ve achieved no matter what anyone else thinks.
Jot down all that you are; a good daughter, a kind friend, an honest human being.
Remind yourself again of little things you’ve done for others and yourself.
And lastly, write a list of names that love you. But don’t forget to include yourself; this is the only person that deserves your love more than anyone else.
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